Soulmates Online
by Cats070911
Summary: After a vicious fight, Tommy and Barbara retreat to their corners to lick their wounds. Unable to forget him, or forgive him, Barbara turns to the internet for companionship. Will she find love?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

"Take him away, Winston." Detective Inspector Tommy Lynley shoved Viscount Barraclough towards his constable. "Out of my sight."

"That's typical of your lot," Barbara Havers snapped. "Just because Daddy's a lord and he went to Harrow he thinks he's above the law."

"My lot? He's a murderer. That's not my lot thank you, Sergeant."

They started to walk up the hill towards the car. "You know what I mean. Public school, rich parents. The trouble is nobody has ever said no to him, so he thinks he can do what he likes."

"That's a generalisation based on your prejudices, not a fact. From what Winston discovered, his home life was oppressively restrictive."

"Yeah, see, you're defending him."

"I am not. He brutally murdered his girlfriend."

"Christina Yates simply got in his way. She loved him, heaven help her, but to him, she was someone to shag while he waited until Mummy found him a nice, respectable wife. Then she gets pregnant, so instead of doing the semi-decent thing and paying her off, he takes her on a romantic weekend up here, kills her, then cuts her womb out, so there's no proof she was pregnant. Disgusting."

"I agree it's disgusting, but it's his character, not his social rank. Not every earl or viscount runs around murdering and dismembering their girlfriends."

"No, but they all think they can if they want to."

Tommy clenched his fists and tried to stay calm. He failed. Anger welled up inside. "You know Havers, sometimes I wonder how I put up with your blind prejudices. It's no wonder no other SIO can work with you. You are savage, opinionated, and intractable."

"And you can't see past your privilege. How do I put up with you?" She started to walk faster and moved ahead of him.

"Maybe it's time we went our separate ways then." With long strides, Tommy caught up. He walked to the driver's side of the car. "I'll take that as your transfer request. I'll process the paperwork on Monday. Now go home and cool off. Nkata and I will handle the interview."

"Suits me fine."

"Good." Tommy shook his head. "It's no wonder you have no friends with that chip you carry around. You don't have room in your heart for anything except anger and bitterness. If you even have a heart."

"Well, I certainly don't have room for rich, know-it-alls who think they know me."

They stood on each side of the car staring at each other before Barbara snorted then stormed off. Tommy unlocked his car, eased himself behind the wheel then slammed the door.

* * *

Barbara's rage ebbed and flowed during her long bus ride back from Essex. She could have strangled Lynley when he drove past the bus stop, tooted and waved then sped off. By the time she got to Camden, she was remorseful. His words had stung her, but hers had been equally vitriolic. There was no room in her heart, not because it was filled with bitterness, but because it was filled with him. Her handsome, frustrating, caring, poncy boss. How had she ever let herself fall for him? She sighed. This was not their first fight. He would ring, and they would both apologise and end up at the pub laughing about it.

* * *

Barbara was wrong. Tommy was tired of trying to convince her that his friendship and affection was genuine. In an odd way that he could not understand, he loved her more than life itself, but she was slowly tearing him apart. Being with her was becoming torture. Being without her... was worse. He had to act and break the cycle.

It was nine o'clock when he and Winston finished the interview. By a quarter past, he had sent his email to Hillier informing him that he would accept the Detective Chief Inspector role in Fraud. Hillier had promised it would only be a short stint covering maternity leave. In six months he would be back in CID as a Superintendent.

* * *

Barbara felt numb. She sat at her desk and reread Hillier's announcement.

"Morning, Sarge," Winston said as he arrived. "What's wrong?"

Barbara pointed to her screen. She did not trust her voice not to crack.

Winston glanced at it over her shoulder. "Yeah, he told me the other night. I thought you knew."

She shook her head. "I've been his partner for nine years, and he didn't have the courtesy to tell me first."

Winston took his coat off and hung it over his chair. "Do you blame him?"

She spun around. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you have treated him like he's got some terrible disease lately. You are always snapping at him. I guess... he gave up on you."

"I'm going for a fag."

"But you gave up years ago."

"Yeah, well I'm taking it up again." She grabbed her coat and stormed from the office.

* * *

Tommy avoided Barbara all day. He was not in the mood to explain. They would probably argue, and if she asked why, he would have blurted out the truth. Love was a capricious emotion. Loving Barbara was dangerous to health. He grabbed his whiskey decanter and headed for his bedroom.

* * *

When Barbara got home a pile of letters and junk mail had been pushed through her slot. Bills, more bills, a council notice about anti-graffiti paint for local walls, and a brochure offering discounted electronics and homewares. She was about to toss the junk mail in the bin when one floated to the floor. She picked it up. Soulmates Online, the heading said. She read through the promise of friendship with scientifically matched people. 'Answer our comprehensive 200 question profiler and be instantly matched with like-minded and compatible friends. You are in control. Friendship only, or more if you desire. We ARE NOT a dating site. We aim to help lonely people connect.'

"Yeah, like hell." She shoved it into the bin with the rest of the junk.

* * *

Tommy did not see Barbara for three days. He was assigned to double with DCI Broughton before her maternity leave started. He had hoped that by the time he returned, Barbara would have calmed down enough to apologise and work out a truce. Now they were not working together he could also start asking her out. Maybe then she would get the message.

* * *

Without Lynley, Barbara's life was infinitely worse. The new DI, a fat lazy slob with some disgusting personal habits, was also sexist. So far, DI Smithers had assigned her to fetch the tea and filing. She had taken three days of this treatment without exploding. She was not unusually tolerant, she just did not want a scene and be thrown out of the Met.

"What's this?" Smithers demanded.

"My leave request. DI Lynley had not signed it before he... left." Barbara had pre-dated the request form to the week before her argument with Lynley. "I am owed almost three months on full pay. The DI told me I had to get it down."

"What are you going to do with your two months?"

"I am going into retreat."

"What are you? The French Army? What sort of retreat?"

"Not that it's the Met's concern, but I am going to an Aikido dojo." That sounded convincing and slightly menacing.

Smithers scribbled his signature. "No great loss. I don't believe in female detectives. The system forced you on to me. When you get back, I will have found another sucker to take you."

Barbara tried not to smile. "Whatever."

* * *

Winston bumped into Lynley in the lift. "How's Fraud, Sir?"

"Hello, Winston. Quiet but interesting. It's a different challenge. How are you getting on?"

"We hate it now, but hopefully you'll be back soon."

"And Sergeant Havers? She hasn't returned my calls."

Winston frowned. "Didn't you hear? She's taken two months leave and run away to some Aikido dojo. I think she thought that was better than a stint in Bronzefield for murdering Smithers."

"I see." The lift stopped, and the doors opened. "This is my floor. No, I didn't know about Barbara. Take care, Winston."

* * *

On his first Saturday off, Tommy drove down to the dojo where she had stayed once before. The owners remembered her, and him, but were unable to help. Barbara was not there.

Tommy drove away hurt and confused. He had previously called at her flat two or three times. He had tried to ring her but had been met with silence. Barbara did not have an answering machine, and she had left her work mobile with Winston as per policy. Without knowing her personal email address, Tommy had no way to contact her unless he wrote a letter. He regretted their fight, and he knew he had taken his promotion out of spite, but he had hoped they could reconcile and begin a new phase. She always forgave him, just as he forgave her. This time they had run as far from each other as they could. Tommy feared it was too far.

* * *

Unable to afford the dojo, Barbara had taken two weeks and hiked through Snowdonia. With a strict budget, she had stayed at obscure B&Bs and avoided any other human contact. She arrived back in London fitter but just as confused. After restocking her fridge with frozen meals and beer from Tesco Express, she sat back and contemplated her future. It looked bleak. No job. No Tommy. No hope.

She thumbed through her mail. It was mostly advertising with a couple of bills. Another flyer for Soulmates Online caught her attention. She looked to the sky. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

The next envelope was addressed by hand and had obviously been personally delivered. She recognised the handwriting instantly. Barbara took it to her couch and sat. Her hands were shaking as she tore it open.

 _Barbara,_

 _I heard you were on leave had gone to a dojo. You appear to be at a different one this time. I hope wherever you are it is helping you._

 _I am sorry for what I said when we argued. That said, your biases are coming between us, and it hurts and angers me. We are not as different as you think._

 _I have to Manchester for a month, but I would like to catch up in person and talk when we are both back in London. We need to sort this out._

 _Please ring me when you return._

 _Tommy_

Barbara screwed up the note and threw it on the floor. "Helping me? You condescending piece of... My biases! What about yours?"

She went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. Barbara looked at it, then put it back and found the whiskey in her cupboard. Tonight she needed more than beer to sleep.

Propped up in bed, she opened her laptop and typed _Soulmates Online_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** as far as I know, there is no such service, so if there is I am not maligning them. I know a lot of people are convinced authors write about what they know, but we also have vivid imaginations. I have never used an online dating app, but I figured I could run my fictitious one whatever way I like. Sorry, I noticed some missing words in the last chapter. They were there on my iPad but didn't transfer over. Always the way when I don't transfer via the PC. Hopefully this chapter is better.

* * *

Barbara did not seriously intend to sign up to Soulmates Online, but she was curious. The blurb on the front page sounded reassuring. There were no pictures included on profiles as one of the aims was 'to foster a friendship based on mutual values, not physical attraction.' Slowly the website lured her in until she clicked on the apply button. A quick scan of the questionnaire from her copper's perspective convinced her that the site was not mining for data and could not steal her identity. Apart from the £10 joining fee that she could pay via her online money transfer account, the site took no details other than a single first name and a password.

Even so, Barbara was reluctant to use her real name. She did not want to be utterly dishonest either. She signed up with her middle name, Louise. She answered the questions truthfully rating her current state of mind, her childhood happiness and her broad political and social views. There were checkboxes for her preferred friendship level - Strictly Friendship, Friendship, Open Friendship, and Potential Relationship. Barbara was not even sure what Open Friendship was, but it did not sound like something she would want, and anything mentioning relationships sounded as if it would attract the desperate or the creeps. She selected the Friendship box.

After answering the 200 questions, Barbara had formed a new view of herself. She was not the relatively contented, independent woman she had imagined. Instead, she was lonely and unhappy, and her preoccupation with a certain Earl was mostly to blame. Tommy had been her only friend; the person she thought of when she woke and before she went to sleep. That obsession was unhealthy. Worse still, she knew that he did not return her feelings, at least not in a romantic sense. She had no hope of a future with him. Determined to find a more suitable friendship, she thumped her finger on Enter to submit her profile. Now she had to wait at least eight hours before the computer gave her a list of potential friends. Time to get some sleep.

* * *

Barbara woke to a sunny morning. Curious about her matches, she grabbed a coffee and her laptop and returned to her bed. She half-suspected that there would be no suitable matches. The grading system was blue for Most Compatible, green for Largely Compatible, and orange for Adventurous Match. Barbara was disappointed, but not surprised, to see she had no blue matches. There were three greens and four oranges.

She expanded the first of the orange matches. Herman was a 42-year-old Banker from Iceland who liked skiing and water sports. Barbara smiled. Herman was too adventurous for today. Daffyd from Wales was next. He was only 33, and was interested in criminal justice. She opened his profile. _After serving five years in prison for larceny I..._ That was no to Daffyd.

Barbara took a deep breath then looked at Bill's profile. He sounded lonely but dull. He worked in his mother's tearoom in the Cotswolds and listed his interests as studying for trivia nights and reading encyclopaedias. Barbara wondered if the second was not in fact preparation for the first. She had visions of a large, bespectacled man in a fawn cardigan. "I'm not that desperate."

Michael was the last orange. He was ex-Army and 'recovering from psychological wounds which makes leaving the house impossible.' Barbara felt sorry for him, but that was not the type of relationship she needed now. She was tired of being an emotional crutch. All she wanted was a friendship based on equality.

She was just about to review the green matches when a chat screen popped up.

 _Hello Louise_

She hurriedly read that it was from Malcolm, one of her greens. She wished now she had read about him first.

 _Are you there?_

"Grr. Hang on." _Sorry, new on the site. I was just having a look around._

 _Welcome! Do you like what you see?_

 _Not sure yet. No blue matches._

 _Blue is for totally serious stuff. Green matches are the most fun. Do you want to have fun?_

Barbara groaned _. I am just looking for friends._

 _Aren't we all? Your profile says London. Do you like to party?_

 _Not much. I am a civil servant._

 _ROFL. Aren't civil servants allowed to have fun?_

 _Define fun._

 _Bit of chat, a bit of drinking, maybe a bit of dancing, a bit of romance._

 _I didn't think this was a hookup site._

 _Oh, you believed the spiel. Don't be naive enough to think people here are after friends. That's probably 2% of the people. Most are here to get laid._

 _I'm not._

 _Gathered that. CU._

The screen vanished. Barbara found Malcolm on the list. She was just about to check the No box when his profile disappeared. She felt mildly annoyed that he had No'd her first. It was not as though she had not expected that element among the members, but she had hoped some were genuine.

The other greens looked suspicious. Paul was a computer programmer from Leeds whose interests were mostly indoor sports related. From the tone, Barbara had a fair idea of the sport he had in mind. Jose was a Spaniard living in Essex and looking for a 'potential life partner.' "In other words, you need a visa," Barbara said shaking her head.

She had not expected much, and yet had still been disappointed.

* * *

In Manchester, life was slow for Tommy. Fraud was intellectually stimulating, but dull in comparison to murder. Each night he ate alone in a cheap restaurant or the local pub then returned to a lonely hotel room with its blonde wooden furniture, muted print of a beach scene and nothing but free-to-air television and his single malt. Tommy missed Barbara. Almost every second thought was about her. More when he was alone. She had not contacted him, and he was worried about where she was and what was going on in her head. As soon as he was back in London, he was going to see her and try to convince her that to him, she was his world.

If being apart had brought him anything, it was the awareness that he loved her. It was a complex, wonderfully frustrating love, but love nonetheless. He feared it was also teaching him that it was not reciprocated.

* * *

After her time in Wales she wanted to retain her fitness, so Barbara decided to walk through Regents Park. Halfway around the circuit, she sat on a bench and turned her face to the sun. It was a warm, still day and the birds were warbling happily in the trees. As hard as she tried to focus on the moment and the beauty of the park, she could only wonder where Tommy was, what he was doing, and whether he missed her. She was still angry with him yet felt as if a limb was missing.

"To hell with you, Lynley."

"Man trouble?"

"Huh?" Barbara turned. An older woman with a small, black, hairy dog had joined her on the bench. "Oh, sort of. It's complicated."

"Love always is, but it's worth it."

"Is it?"

"Always. You just have to remember why you love them and persevere. Come on, Bronson, it's time I took you home for lunch."

Barbara watched the woman toddle down the path. "If it hurts like this, I don't think it is."

* * *

Barbara spent the afternoon cleaning and sorting her flat. She amassed enough rubbish to fill three plastic garbage bags, and another was full of items for charity. "I should take a photo and sent it to Tommy, he'll never believe... grrr! Stop that, you idiot. He's gone. Get that into your head."

Sitting on her couch she flicked on the television. She had no idea what was on as she could not see anything through blurry eyes. Barbara took several deep breaths then wiped the unwanted tears from her face. She had to look forward, not back. She opened her laptop. There were three new contacts and one was blue.

"Why not?" She hit the button to open a conversation with Glen, an electrician from Hempstead.

 _Hi_

 _Hello Louise. I just saw our match pop up. How are you?_

 _Well thanks. And you?_

 _Yeah good. So have you been on the site long?_

 _No, I joined yesterday._

 _That's good. I've been here about a month._

 _Made any friends yet?_

 _A few promising options. Tell me about yourself._

 _Not much to tell. I'm a civil servant._

 _There must be more to you than just your work._

Barbara frowned. _No, my work is my life._ And Tommy, but was he work or something more? _Tell me about your life, Glen._

They exchanged pleasantries for another fifteen minutes. It was hard work. Much harder than she had expected.

 _What are you looking for in a friendship, Louise?_

 _I don't know. What do you want?_

 _Someone I feel at ease with and can chat to. Don't take this the wrong way. I am sure you are a wonderful person, but this feels strained, almost like a police interrogation. We don't seem to be clicking. I'm sorry._

 _Don't be. That's okay. Have a good life._

 _You too. Take care._

The chat screen disappeared taking her hopes that she would ever find a friend. Barbara closed the lid of her laptop.

* * *

She waited two days before trying again. Barbara had one more blue match and several greens. She was reviewing Andrew's profile when a chat window opened. Jack, one of her orange matches, popped open.

 _Hello Louise._

 _Hiya_

 _Are you up for an adventure?_

Barbara groaned. Not really. _What did you have in mind?_

 _What's your favourite sex position?_

 _"_ Really? You think that sort of line works?"

She was about to type a rude response when more words appeared. _I thought you might be up for meeting by the river. We could do it doggie style with_

Barbara slammed the lid of her PC down.

* * *

Unable to sleep, Barbara opened her computer. The Friendship setting seemed to attract creeps too. She changed her profile setting to Strictly Friendship. Instantly most of her matches disappeared. Interestingly Andrew was still a match. She finished perusing his profile that she had begun to read earlier. He was two years older than her, lived in London but travelled a lot for work as an insurance investigator, and liked dogs but could not own one because of his work. He sounded a little bit more interesting than the standard profiles she had read earlier that all said 'likes to read, likes to travel'.

She was contemplating contacting him tomorrow when his light turned green. He was online. "In for a penny, in for a pound."

Barbara promised herself that if Andrew was a creep, she was removing her profile.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi Andrew_

There was a long pause _. Good evening Louise_

Barbara was not sure what to type next. _How are you?_ It sounded trite. She was not good at small talk at the best of times.

 _I'm well. How are you?_

 _Yeah, good._

 _I'm new to this, Louise. You are my first contact._

 _I only joined the other day myself, so I know it can be daunting. So far everyone has been a creep._

 _I'm not sure how to respond to that._

Barbara groaned. _Sorry, I didn't mean to imply you would be too. Everybody's been a_ _fter sex. The last bloke even asked me about my favourite sex position._ Barbara groaned again. "Why did I say that?" _I hung up on him,_ she added hastily.

 _I'm pleased. That type of behaviour is abhorrent. I am not after sex, Louise. I ticked Strictly Friendship._

 _Me either. I changed my status to that too. I want to avoid those type of men._

 _Wise move._

There was a pause. She was expected to answer. Nothing came to mind. _"_ Why am I doing this?" In desperation, she resorted to a neutral comment. _Andrew is a nice name. Do you have Scottish ancestry?_

 _Not that I am aware, although most British people probably have a mix of English, Welsh, and Scottish ancestry. Probably Irish too. It's a family name. Louise is a pretty name. I had a great-aunt called Louisa._

 _Thanks. I think we were just English, but who knows._ Barbara tapped the side of her keyboard trying to think of another question. _What does an insurance investigator do?_

 _Mostly track down people doing the wrong thing. A lot of it is paper-based, but some of my investigations involve fieldwork. Your profile says you are a civil servant? What area?_

 _Criminal justice._ Barbara did not want to say she was a cop. _I handle the paperwork to put people in gaol._

 _Well, that's a related field, hunting down the bad guys. We have something in common._

 _Yeah, I guess we do._

 _We might have other things too once we get to know each other._

 _I hope so._ Barbara glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight. _I don't like to be rude, Andrew, but it's getting late._

 _Of course. Like me, you probably have to be up early for work. Perhaps we could catch up again? Say eight o'clock tomorrow evening?_

 _Yeah, sounds good. Good night._

 _Good night, Louise._

Barbara was smiling as she logged off. Andrew seemed genuine and nice. Maybe she could find her soulmate after all.

* * *

For the next week, Barbara and Andrew chatted online. The conversation was very general, mainly about the run of wet weather, what food they both enjoyed, whether they shared any common hobbies or sports. That changed with one line.

 _So why do you want a friend?_

Barbara paused. It was an unexpected question. She hesitated while she thought of a reply. _I guess because I am lonely,_ she eventually typed.

 _Me too. Desperately at times._

Barbara admired his frankness. _Because you travel so much?_

 _Partly._ There was a pause. _I am not very good at maintaining close relationships._

 _Snap._

 _Really? I thought it was just me._

 _No. Me too. I don't get out much and I have lost contact with people over time, and I tend to be wary of getting too close to anyone. T_ hat was more than she had intended to say.

 _I understand. We might make a good pair. ;)_

 _Yeah, maybe._ Everyone said she and Tommy were quite a pair too, and look how that turned out. She decided to change the topic before he asked her why she was like that. _Are you married?_

 _No. Why would I be on here if I was?_

He sounded innocent. _A lot of people use these things to cheat._

 _I don't cheat. Were you married?_

 _How do you know that I'm not, Andrew?_

 _Because you mentioned cheating and brought up the topic. Is that what happened to you? Your husband cheated on you?_

 _No. I've never been married._

 _Choice or circumstances?_

Barbara took a deep breath. This was starting to get very was tempted to end the conversation, but how do you ever get close to someone without talking? _A bit of both._

 _I feel there is a story there._

 _There is always a story. Put it down to too many years pining over an unobtainable man. You?_

 _No, I've never pined for an unobtainable man._

Barbara liked his humour. _Touché._

 _I have pined for unobtainable women. I have the habit of falling in love with women who do not love me as much._

 _Yeah, I can understand that._

 _Why people wouldn't love me?_

 _No! Falling for people who don't return your feelings._

 _I'm sorry. I feel I am oversharing. I'm not used to getting to know people these days._

 _I am hopeless too, so don't worry. I can be a bit_ Barbara paused to think of a word. _abrasive_

 _That made me laugh. What's the shorthand for that? LOL?_

 _I guess._ _Were you married?_

 _I was. It ended a while ago._

 _I'm sorry, that must have been hard. Children?_

 _No. You?_

 _No. It's probably my biggest regret._ Why was she disclosing so much to a man she did not know?

 _Yes, I can understand. Maybe it will happen for you. I still hope to have one or two someday._

 _You will. The right woman will come along._

 _I thought she had._

Ah, so that was it. Still, Barbara could hardly complain. She was only here because Tommy had left her. _Your wife? Was it a messy split?_

 _No, not my wife._

 _Is that why your marriage ended?_

 _That's direct. No. My marriage ended for other reasons. I don't cheat remember?_

 _I'm sorry. That was rude. It's none of my business._

 _No, it's okay. It's part of getting to know someone. I am not sure I am ready to tell the story yet. It's still too raw._

Barbara understood exactly. _That's okay._

 _I don't want you to think I am looking for a replacement. That's why I ticked Strictly Friendship. I was alone and missed her companionship I guess. Are you upset?_

 _No. I didn't come here looking for romance either._

 _Your heart is still with Mr Unobtainable?_

 _Yes._

 _That's fine, Louise. These things take time. We should change the subject. Do you have a large family?_

 _No. I'm an only child._ Not strictly true but easier than explaining about Terry.

 _That can be hard I but at least you don't have to fight with them. Were you close to your parents?_

Barbara hesitated. _I was brought up by distant relatives._ She winced at her lie, but it was only partly untrue, they had been distant in the way they treated her after Terry's death.

 _I am sorry to hear that. My parents both died when I was a teenager._

 _That would have been hard too. Did you grow up in London?_

 _I lived most of my younger years just out of London. I moved into the city for work several years ago. You?_

 _Yeah, in the north-west._

 _Look, my phone is ringing. I will have to say goodnight._

 _Sure. Goodnight, Andrew._

 _Bye._

Normally they arranged their next conversation. Barbara had a feeling that was the last of Andrew. That hurt. She had begun to grow fond of him. She watched for several minutes expecting him to unfriend her, but he remained on her list.

"Go to bed, you idiot."

Barbara put her PC on the table and snuggled down in her bed. Now she was haunted by two men, with added guilt about being disloyal to Tommy. Her life was mess.

* * *

It was late on Saturday morning when her doorbell rang. Barbara answered it before she had thought about it. When she saw Tommy, her heart raced and she felt slightly faint. Her smile faded and she wished she had been more vigilant. Tommy held out a bottle of Scotch and a box of expensive chocolates. He was smiling at her as if he had already been forgiven.

"You can't buy me off."

"I'm not trying to buy you off. I am back in London this weekend and came over to apologise and sort things out. I hate it when we're not speaking."

"You should have thought of that before you threw me under the bus and went to Fraud."

Tommy visibly winced. "May I come in? We need to talk but I don't think the whole of Chalk Farm has to hear us."

Barbara stepped back. "What is there to say?"

Her ex-boss stepped into her flat. He looked around. "You've been busy."

"Yeah, I had to do something with my enforced leave. I had been saving it to go to Europe, but Smithers forced my hand. No, it was _you_ who forced my hand."

Tommy sat on her sofa. He looked like he intended to stay. "I'm sorry. I had no intention of taking the job, but when you started arguing with me about Barraclough, I snapped. Your attitude towards 'my lot' upsets me, Barbara, because I am not who you imagine me to be. You should know me by now, and the fact you don't..." His voice trailed off.

"I upset you? You're the one who said I was savage, opinionated and intractable."

He raised his eyebrows. "You deny that?"

Barbara clenched her fists and thumped down into the armchair. "No, but saying I had no friends and no heart... that hurt."

"And I apologise unreservedly for that. You do have a friend, me. But even I have limits to how much of your bitterness I can tolerate."

"And I have limits as to how much elitism I can tolerate." She folded her arms.

Tommy shook his head. "I drove down to the dojo that first weekend, but you weren't there."

Barbara looked up and frowned. "Did you?"

"Yes. I was worried, and I wanted to apologise. I hate fighting with you. Bickering is one thing, but this is something entirely different. I hate not having you beside me."

He looked genuine, and she had to acknowledge, she felt the same. "Yeah, well you're in Fraud, and I am being moved on by Smithers."

"I will be back in six months."

"Too late."

"We don't have to work together to be together," Tommy said quietly.

Barbara was not sure how to interpret his words. He could not possibly mean... She looked at him. They were so different. Despite her fantasies, it could never work. And he probably did not mean that anyway. "It wouldn't be the same. Solving crimes together, that's who we are."

"It's not all we are, Barbara."

She watched him closely. He looked offended. No, on second thoughts, he looked wounded. She frowned then shook her head. "Yeah. It is. We had a friendship based on crime. Fighting injustice together. We... have nothing else in common. Much as I want to stay friends, we won't. We're destined to drift apart, and I would rather remember it as it was than have it die a slow painful death."

Tommy ran his hand through his hair. "If this is your idea of an end, it feels pretty painful."

Barbara shrugged. "It is what it is."

Tommy stood. "I hate that saying. When you think about this, remember it was your decision." He marched down her hall and slammed the door as he left.

Barbara picked up the book on the table and threw it at the door. Tommy had left and she only had herself to blame.


	4. Chapter 4

Barbara did not check Soulmates Online until Sunday night. There was a message from Andrew.

 _Hope everything is okay. I will be online at eight each evening if you want to chat._

Barbara checked her clock. It was five past eight. She hurriedly opened the chat page. _Hi, sorry. Real life issues. How are you?_

 _Relieved. I thought after the other night I had scared you away._

 _No. I thought you were scared away._

 _Why?_

 _I dunno. It usually happens to me._

 _You sound upset, Louise._

 _Do I? No, not really._ It was a lie. _I am just my usual irritable self._

 _I am smiling._

 _Why?_

 _I seem to be attracted to irritable women._

 _You have my sympathy._

 _Mr Unobtainable again? Do you want to tell me about it?_

 _No, but thanks for asking._

The conversation continued for nearly two hours. In the end, Barbara felt better. She was slowly making a new friend. Tommy was not the only fish in the sea.

* * *

Barbara and Andrew chatted each night. They were online for at least an hour, often more. The conversation seemed easy and they talked about different aspects of life. Barbara told him about Tommy who had become Mr U. Barbara felt she owed Tommy his privacy, so she had turned him into her neighbour and never mentioned his title. It sounded so cliched to say she had fallen in love with her boss. In return, Andrew had shared things about his relationship with his woman, nicknamed S.

One night when they were chatting late, Andrew challenged her after she complained that Mr U expected her to always be around as if she was his servant.

 _And he never guessed you were in love with him?_

 _I think he knew I loved him as a friend, just not that I was in love with him._

 _Am_

 _What?_

 _Am. You are still in love with him, Louise._

Barbara felt bad. _I guess I always will be in a way, but_ She paused. _I know it's time to move on. Is that bad?_

 _No, not at all. My head says the same._

 _But you can't?_

 _Not yet. S hurt me when she left. Other women have left me before, so I should be used to it, but this hurts so much more. I thought she knew me but she couldn't see past superficial things that don't matter._

Barbara smiled. _She's a fool. You're a wonderful, caring person. It doesn't matter what you look like, or what you do, it's who you are that counts._

 _I know that, and you know that. I guess that's why we are such a close match. I wonder if S and Mr U did the profile whether they would be matched with us?_

 _Probably not. Mr U is my complete opposite._

 _S and I were alike in so many ways, but I don't think she could ever see it._

 _Her loss._

 _Your gain?_

That was personal. _Yeah, my gain_.

* * *

It was the Thursday nearly three weeks after her clash with Tommy when Andrew suggested that they meet.

 _I checked to see where the Prison Service is based. It's near St James's Park Station, isn't it? We could meet at the Adam and Eve on Saturday._

A wave of panic surged through her. That was near the Met too. She knew the pub. It was not their regular, but she and Tommy had been there several times when they did not want to be found. Did she want to meet Andrew?

 _Can I think about it?_

There was a pause. _Of course._

 _Don't be offended._

 _I'm not._

 _It's just that sometimes meeting people is not the right thing._

 _I am not sure I follow._

 _We get on online but what if we don't in person? Then we_ Barbara did not type the rest.

 _Have nothing?_

 _Yeah._

 _It's a risk, but we won't know unless we try. Think about it. Six o'clock._

* * *

Barbara walked in circles around the platform at Embankment debating whether she would catch her connection to St James's Park. She was curious and knew that if she did not go, she may be throwing away her only chance at happiness. But she was scared. Her twisting of the truth could ruin everything. When she thought they would never meet, it seemed acceptable to distort a few things, but if she was to form a real relationship, it would be based on lies. Would he understand or forgive her? Had he lied to her?

Barbara turned back. She was not ready for a relationship. Andrew had been right, she was still in love with Tommy even though she had become a little infatuated with Andrew. This could be a disaster. Her heart said run to Tommy and throw herself at his feet. Her ego said Tommy could take a running jump, and her head said she had to meet Andrew. It was better to find out that live in hope. She circled back and boarded the train.

When she exited the station, a flash of maroon drew her attention. She lost it in the traffic but was sure it had been Tommy's car. He often drove home that way. She was not aware of a roster in Fraud. They were strictly 9-to-5ers, but it was typical of him to be working on a Saturday. She glanced at her watch. It was only five to five. She had an hour to kill.

She turned left and started to walk down the narrow road. Barbara wished she had worn a coat as a strong breeze funnelled along the urban valley created by the modern but bland buildings that rose about ten storeys. She had never really noticed the pub before. She and Tommy had always been too busy talking to pay it any attention. Now she stood on the corner and studied its old-style facade painted a deep forest green, almost black, and trimmed in gold. Black awnings extended over windows set back over shiny brass sills. Hanging baskets of red and white trailing flowers hanging from stagecoach lanterns brushed tall pedestrians passing underneath. She decided to walk on past the pub and look at the office she allegedly worked in. It was a bland concrete and red brick building, much smaller than she had imagined. She kept walking and did a circuit around past the swanky St James' Court Hotel. Three Rolls Rorces pulled up and disgorged wealthy patrons dripping in gold.

Andrew? Tommy? Andrew? Tommy? She had been asking herself that question for days. She still loved Tommy, but she had become very fond of Andrew. In fact, she was starting to fall a little in love with him. That was exciting and new, and extremely scary.

* * *

Tommy was sitting by the bar nursing his second beer. The tinkle of the bell indicated the door was opening. He glanced up then froze with the glass inches from his mouth as Barbara walked in. His heart seized as if squeezed by an invisible hand. He put the glass down and watched. On the other side of the bar, Barbara bought a beer then went to sit in a booth by the opposite wall. She was dressed differently. Instead of her familiar coat and trainers, she was in black, well-cut trousers with a black shirt. Around her neck, a green scarf was knotted loosely. It brought out her eyes. They shone like emeralds, even at the distance he was sitting. A soft wave of love and desire washed over him. He had spent weeks trying to forget her, but love cannot be ordered away.

He picked up his glass and walked over. "Hello, Barbara."

She jumped then glared at him. "What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?"

He sat down opposite her. "No. I saw you walk in. I thought we could be civil enough to say hello."

"Hello. Now goodbye."

He reached his hand out to take hers. "Barbara, please. This is not us."

She snatched her hand away. "There is no us. I'm meeting someone, so I would appreciate it if you would leave."

Tommy raised his eyebrows. He was hurt. It was irrational. He had no claim on her. She had made that very clear. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sergeant Havers." He picked up his glass, drained it then went to the bar for another.

* * *

Barbara waited anxiously. Six o'clock came and went, but there was no sign of Andrew. The only single man in the pub was Tommy. To her growing annoyance, he was still sitting at the bar watching her. She was angry at him for being here, disappointed with Andrew, confused by her desire to run and hide in Tommy's arms, and furious at herself for caring for either of them.

She waited until seven. She took a final sip of her beer then stood and walked to the door. The door was stuck when she pulled it. She looked up to see Tommy holding it closed. "Don't go, Barbara. Let's talk."

"No." She tugged at the long brass handle on the door.

"Please. It looks like you've been stood up. Let's have dinner and talk."

"Yeah, thanks, Sherlock. Rub it in."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to sound cruel."

"You were gloating."

Tommy shook his head. "No, but it gives me a chance to talk to you."

She sighed. "I'm not hungry."

"A drink then. Don't make me beg, Barbara."

She rolled her eyes. "One beer."

They moved to the bar. "Two pints please," Tommy said.

Barbara took her drink and wandered back to the small booth she had been sitting at before. "Thanks."

"My pleasure. I want us to be friends again."

"Yeah," Barbara said. "If only it was that easy."

"It could be."

"Nothing's changed. We're still the same people."

"Exactly. We had a fight. I said things I regret and I acted churlishly."

"Childishly."

"Um, you stomped off."

"You called me heartless." Barbara banged her head on the table. "See we're fighting again."

Tommy was staring at her with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Not really. I'm sick of fighting."

He took a long sip of his drink. "This new man; do you fight with him too?" He sounded bitter, maybe a little jealous.

"Why do you think I was meeting a man?"

"Because you made an effort. He must be someone you think is worth it."

Barbara sighed. "He is, or I thought he was. He's a kind, caring man."

Tommy looked down. "Are you in love with him?" he asked quietly.

"What if I am? That's between me and him, not you."

"I know, but..."

Barbara had not seen Tommy look so lost since Helen had died. She felt she owed him some sort of explanation. "I don't know him that well. It was his idea to meet up, but he must have chickened out."

"Maybe he was delayed. Can you call him?"

"No. We... I don't want to talk about this."

"If it's any consolation, I've been stood up too, although I never really thought my date would turn up."

"Why not?"

"She is a wonderful person but she's in love with someone else. I don't think Louise and I had a future, especially as I love you."

Barbara did not hear his last word. " _You're_ Andrew?"

Barbara thought of all the things she had told him. All her lies, all her hopes, her love for Mr U. She stood and rushed out of the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Barbara fled towards the station. She tried to hail a passing cab but its light was off. She stumbled on through the crowd, pushing her way through people walking too slowly. She had to get away; get to the platform before Tommy came after her. She knew he would. Tommy would and so would Andrew. Tommy Jekyll and Andrew Hyde. Two duplicitous sides of the one man. Andrew had been her hope, her one shot at fulfilment. He had been so...

"Bastard!"

Two elderly women standing by the station entrance looked at her and tutted.

"Sorry," she grunted before she hurried on towards the turnstiles.

* * *

Tommy sat stunned. Louise was Barbara! He smiled. He had grown very fond of Louise, even felt a tinge of love for her. He had felt guilty at first, but when Barbara had made it clear he had no hope, he had begun to think that maybe Louise could bring him some happiness. And it was Barbara all along. In so many ways, that was obvious. Why else would he have started to fall in love with her?

He jerked back to reality. "Barbara! Wait!"

Outside he scanned left and right looking for her. There was no sign of which way she had gone. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If he was Barbara, he would have headed for the Tube. He turned right and began to run.

* * *

A hand grabbed her shoulder, jerking her to a halt. "Barbara, wait, please. Let me explain." Tommy was panting heavily.

She shook him free and tried to get away. His arm closed around her waist and lifted her just off the ground. "Put me down."

"Only if you'll talk to me."

"We have nothing to say." Barbara tried to kick him, but he dodged her.

His grip tightened. "Yes, we do."

"Found it funny did you? Tormenting me."

"No, I had no idea Louise was you. I swear. How could I know? I didn't even know you were on that site."

That made sense unless he had hacked into her PC some way, but even then, the website had to match them. She stopped struggling and Tommy lowered her back onto the floor. "Why were you even on the site?"

"I was in Manchester and missing you. I was lonely. I was honest about that. Without you to talk to, I had no one. An ad popped up while I was reading the news on my laptop. It was that or find some meaningless hookup with a woman in a bar. I could ask why you were on there?"

Barbara felt ashamed of asking. She knew how genuine Andrew's loneliness had been. "The same I guess. There was a flyer under my door. I thought it was a sign to move on with my life. But I told you so many things. Intimate things."

"So did I." He let her go.

"You had me fooled. You lied about so much, your mother being dead, about your marriage ending in divorce, about your job."

"My mother was dead to me at the time, and I never said I was divorced. You just assumed that, and I didn't want to tell anyone about how Helen was killed. I planned to tell Louise tonight, if it seemed right. And anyway, how's your role with the UK Prison Service going?"

She glared at him. "How many people want to befriend a cop?"

"That's why I was an insurance investigator. What I didn't lie about was being in love with S." He looked sincere. His eyes were soft and full of emotion. Barbara felt her armour plating begin to crack.

"That's all well and good, mate, but get a room somewhere and stop blocking the entrance." A gruff looking man in a blue suit elbowed Barbara as he pushed past. She stepped closer to Tommy. His arms came around her in a bear hug. She fought to free herself then stopped and looked up.

"Me? Am I S?"

"Who else, Sergeant?"

"But... we fight... and..."

Tommy cut her off. "You are only hurt by the ones you love."

"Yeah, that's very true." She glared at him accusingly. "But I was horrible to you. Absolutely horrible."

"Yes, you were, but I understand why." Instead of retreating, he smiled. "Is it egotistical of me to hope I was Mr Unobtainable?"

"Was?"

"I am keen to prove you wrong. I am very obtainable by you because I love you, Barbara."

"But you started to fall for Louise. How could you love me?"

"The same way you began to love Andrew."

Barbara stared at him. "How did you know?"

"Your face when your date didn't show up. At the time it felt like a spear through my heart thinking you loved him and not me."

"Andrew was so patient and kind, and I guess I felt a little loved even without meeting him... you... whatever."

"Andrew and Louise were just the parts of us we have been too scared to share. They've always been there. They've always loved the other, they just never said it. Recently, you and I got hung up on who we thought each other was instead of looking past all that to truly see each other. Louise could see my soul. I always thought you could too."

Barbara nodded. "I... was totally lost in you. I felt like I was drowning and I never thought you could love me back."

Tommy stroked her face. "Why not? And none of that class warfare crap."

"Crap? Not an elegant word, m'lord." She smiled at him and was rewarded with one of his special, cheeky grins.

"How could you not notice that I loved you, Barbara?"

"I thought it was... you never said anything, never asked me out, never... tried to kiss me."

"Because we were constantly together, and... I was afraid if I did, you might say no."

Barbara looked down and nodded. "Yeah, I probably would have."

"But I'm asking now. It only takes one word, Barbara, and I am yours. Forever."

Barbara looked up into his eyes. "But..."

He smiled at her. "That's not the word."

He still had her in his arms and he was smiling in that soft way she loved. She could see Tommy, and she could see Andrew. Most of all, she could see his love. "Yes."

His face broke into a broad grin. "That's the word." Tommy bent down and kissed her. Barbara was shocked that he would do that in such a public place. The whistles and jeers of commuters faded into the background as his lips caressed hers. Tommy was kissing her! And she kissed him back until they were jostled by impatient people trying to get past.

"We should move," she said as they were shoved apart.

"Shall we walk back to my place and talk?"

"Too far. I might change my mind."

Tommy grinned at her. "The Conrad is just over the road."

* * *

Looking back on it, Tommy thought that their impatience was borne by a mutual fear that the other person would indeed change their mind. He had asked Reception for a suite, unafraid to use his title to ensure the best room. They had held each other's hands so tightly as they had followed the porter, that Tommy had lost circulation. The man had painstakingly shown them the features of the suite they were not interested in using and despite a sly glance at Tommy, had discreetly mentioned that the bathroom was hidden by a mirrored wall at the end of the bed. Their lack of luggage was a giveaway as to why they had made an unscheduled booking, but Tommy did not care what anyone thought. He had Barbara and that was all that mattered.

He had closed the door behind the porter and walked to the bar. "Do you want a drink while we sit and talk?"

"Maybe we have said enough, Tommy."

He had needed only three strides to reach her and sweep her into his arms. They had begun to tear off each other's clothes in a frenzy of kisses. There was still a trail of shirts, trousers and underwear leading across the lounge and into the bedroom. Tommy had dimmed the lights to a soft glow that ran around the ceiling under the false cornice. He had wanted to see her eyes as they made love. He had been kissing her slowly towards the bed, but when the last of their clothing was ripped away, he had lifted her, accidentally pushing her against the mirror, and that's where they had stayed.

Barbara stirred in his arms. "Is it morning?"

"Not yet."

She opened her eyes and blinked at the light. "Why are you awake? Are you sorry we did that?"

Tommy pulled her closer then kissed her gently. "Never. That was sublime."

"It was quick!"

Tommy chuckled. "Hmm, only the first time. I wanted you so badly."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"You didn't seem to object."

"No. I... we both needed that."

"Hmm, we did. After so long."

As urgent and wild as their first passionate encounter had been, their second had been slow and loving. Afterwards, they had talked - about Lousie and Andrew, their fears and anxieties, possessiveness and jealousy, their hurt and solace, her antipathy to his social status, and his willingness to give it all up for her.

He kissed the tip of her nose. "Do you want to see if the third is an average?"

"No."

"No?"

She grinned shyly at him. "I'd like to repeat Number 2, please."

Tommy rolled onto his side. "Mmm, yes, I like that sound of that. But only if you answer my question."

"Are you sure, Tommy?"

"Positive. I love you, Barbara."

"You think that one night in the hay is enough to convince me?"

"In the hay? There's hay at Howenstowe if that's your fantasy." He nuzzled into her neck eliciting a long moan.

"It wasn't, but it might be now."

"Good. I want to make love to you everywhere - on the beach, on the cliffs, on a kitchen bench, on..."

"A kitchen bench?"

Tommy laughed. "Does that shock you?"

She ran her fingertip down his chest and over his stomach. "No. It excites me."

Tommy groaned as her hand disappeared beneath the sheet. He kissed her just under her ear. "In my bed, under that huge shower in there... anywhere... everywhere... oh, mmm." His lips found hers. Her tongue found him and they became lost in their passion.

* * *

Barbara lay on the bed. She was still wet from the shower. Tommy stood over her grinning. He held up a big towel. "May I dry you?"

Her eyes went wide. "That's kinky."

"Is it? Then I want to be kinky." Tommy threw the towel over her then knelt on the bed and rubbed her down. She wriggled like a happy Labrador having its tummy scratched. He bent down and whispered in her ear.

"Tommy!"

"I'm serious. I meant it last night and I mean it now. I am happy. For the first time in years, I feel... loved. I will willingly hand my title and money to Peter and live in your flat if that is the only thing standing between us."

"No, I don't want that, it would be taking away part of who you are. I couldn't ask that."

"You didn't. I offered."

"I don't need that."

"You are my life, Barbara. I want nothing more than to be with you. Even the website matched us. We are soulmates, online and off. We should be together. It's the only thing that makes us both happy."

"That's true, and I do love you, Tommy."

"I know." He smiled at her. "So?"

"Are you really sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Then yes, Tommy, I will marry you."

His smiling eyes never left hers as he lowered himself down to kiss her.

* * *

You didn't really think I would have Barbara fall in love with anyone but Tommy did you?


End file.
